Is it real now?

A place for my thoughts. Feeling confused, abandoned and a little bit disgusting. The time I've spent with this person lately has been really special but sadly not enough to overlook how they make me feel and how they feel about me in return. I know that my ego is bruised by hearing that they can't see me in that way and part of me wants to try and change that, but I need to analyse why and where that is coming from. As surely, that isn't something I want to strive to achieve? The love and validation of someone who doesn't think I deserve it or (if they do) don't want to give me that. At first I was proud of myself for not crying during the conversation we had but on reflection I think they knew why I cried earlier anyway, so it doesn't really matter. I do feel that they didn't understand fully what I was trying to say but I'm not sure I have the capacity or energy at this point. Maybe when I do, there will be no need to.